Strength - by Andrea Perez

Growing up, I never enjoyed anything that had to do with God. I remember waking up every Sunday hoping we wouldn't go to Mass. I was always so bored and I couldn't do anything except sit there. To me that was such a struggle. I was so against the church and all of its teachings that I considered myself an atheist in 7th and 8th grade.

When I was little, my dad was a drunk and would come home at around 3 in the morning almost every night. I would stay up until my dad came home on those nights. I couldn’t even sleep because I was always worried that something had happened to him. Sometimes he wouldn’t come until the next morning and I would stay in the living room waiting for him. I’d see him walk into the house drunk and watch him pass out on the couch. I remember there were times when he was drunk and would start to argue with my mom. Sometimes I would stay up but most of the time I'd fall asleep and find myself in my bed the next morning. All of this led to more problems and more fights between my parents.

He was always busy at work and he never spent time with us. My mom was a nurse and was always tired. There was constant fighting and they were never on good terms with each other. There were plenty of times where my dad threatened to leave or my mom would tell us that we’re leaving. And they did separate for a long time. For about 8 months I had no contact with my dad. All of this started to wear me down and I was at a low point at such a young age. I knew exactly what was going on. I knew my parents fought all the time and were at the point of separating for good, I knew that my dad was a drunk, and I was so sure that God was not present in my life. I grew up denying God and hating Him because He never fixed my family. I would always ask myself, “If God was real, why is he letting this happen to my family?” The problems got bigger and our family grew far apart.

There was a point where I would lock myself in my room all day and not come out until late at night because I didn’t want to see my family. They made me sad. I would cry in my room and hate our situation. The only escape I had was at school. It's the only place where I would make up lies and stories about my so-called ‘perfect family’. Everyone would always tell me “your family seems so amazing” or “I wish I had your parents”. And they never knew the truth behind the situation. All they knew was that we would go watch movies together, that my mom would make us breakfast every morning, and that we were always laughing and smiling.

One weekend my dad decided to go to a retreat of 3 days. We drove 4 hours to go pick him up. I always thought that God wasn’t real so I didn’t expect any change from my dad. At the end of the retreat, the men who lived the retreat went up and gave their testimony and it was finally my dad's turn. While he was up there, he called up my mom and proposed to her in front of over 700 people. When he came out, he came over to me first and hugged me. He cried hard tears and he said he was sorry for everything he put me through. I remember feeling his arms around me and hearing his shaky voice. He gave me a rosary and told me God is gonna help him get better.

It's been 5 years since he went to that retreat and I still have the rosary. And through these years I’ve seen God do miraculous things with my dad and my family. My family does have its problems. We’re not perfect but we do have God in our lives. We have Him to turn to and to look to for strength when we feel our family spiraling sometimes. During my freshman year was where I decided to give God a chance. I attended my first retreat and it was there that I fell in love with Him. I made the choice to follow Him and love him above all things. God has put people in my path that lead me closer to Him. He has taken me to retreats where I realized the tremendous love he has for me and for every one of his creations. He has given me countless blessings and I could never be more grateful for everything and everyone in my life. Thanks to God he has taken all the hatred and anger out of my heart and has allowed me to see the beauty of everything that He does. He has taught me how to love and strengthen my faith. This event didn’t just lead me closer to God, it strengthened me. He showed me that I am strong. He showed me that even when I didn’t feel him, He was always there with me. He made me grow in my faith and learn to trust Him. My faith does topple sometimes. Especially in times like these where it seems like the Devil is working overtime to try and drive people away from their faith, but God never fails to reassure me that He is always there for me. He has become my priority in life and it has been the best decision I have ever made.